PEE-nie in a bottle

So I've been in various bands for the better part of the last decade. None of which anyone has heard of, but whatever.

When you're on tour you want to save time in between shows. The drives are usually 4 hours at the least and everyone in the van is usually hung over and feeling like a walking salt lick, so we drink a lot of water. To save time we pee in bottles more often than not. Over the years I've gotten used to peeing in bottles and I can do so with the greatest of ease.

A while ago while working on Jenny's painting in the saloon I slugged back a bottle of wine and a few beers. I didn't feel like going downstairs, across the studio, across the patio, into the main house, through the kitchen and into the bathroom. So I grabbed a suitable bottle. A 12 ounce won't do. After a party I once filled up a 40 oz to the brim with frothy nectar. I grabbed the only suitable bottle I could find up there in the saloon: An empty bottle of 18 year old Jameson Master Selection.

A year ago when we moved in my roommate Anthony received a bottle from his friend as a gift, which our other roommate drank in an entire night without knowing the severity of the mistake he just made. Very expensive bottle of whiskey.

Now a back story. Years ago while living with a couple guys I was in an old band with I peed into a ginger ale two liter. These guys were both bottle pee-ers. We were in a band together for god sakes. One even mastered peeing into a bottle while driving.

One afternoon while roommate A was in the shower (he was notoriously bad with long periods of time in the bathroom) I had to pee furiously and used an empty Schwepps 2 liter. Then like an idiot, left the bottle next to the lazy boy in the living room and left to go to my girlfriend's house for the night. Roommate B came home. Found the bottle. Went to the freezer. Got ICE CUBES. Poured a glass of my pee. Took a swig. Tried to induce vomiting to no avail. Went to Roommate A's room. Started strangling him. Realized he had the wrong guy. Called me. Left angry message. Talked to me the next day.

Now back to the present... Last night while working on Cliff Burton (see post below)... Anthony came up to say hello after getting back from the neighborhood bar. He stomped across the room and grabbed the bottle of Jameson 18. "Who committed this cardinal sin again?" Thinking someone had taken his new bottle of good whiskey and was fucking around with it. He wasn't that mad though, because he's pretty even keeled when most people would flip out... and because the 750 ML bottle was completely full. It didn't even register with me that the bottle he was about to pour a tumbler from was filled with my stale pee from a few weeks ago. He was almost down the stairs before I stopped him.

"AHH.... Uhhhhh uhhh... that's. .. not whiskey. It's. I pissed in that."

Crisis barely averted.

I need to be house trained.